Posted on February 18, 2014 at 5:35 AM
Listening to a phone in on the subject of Loneliness it made me really think about why some people find themselves in this situation. It is obviously something that causes so much depression amongst people. Most people think of loneliness as a scene of a sad soul sitting in a bedroom with the curtains drawn feeling unhappy and rejected. Of course this can be the case with a lot of people. It can be lonely for some even if they have a loving family and/or friends around them as it is more about thinking and feeling that no one else understands you or is there for you in times of need.
The sudden gap that is left after losing a loved one can make people feel incredibly insular and lonely, even if their children or family and friends rally round. They can never replace the person that has gone and it has to be time that heals this particularly loneliness. Also it can be lonely to be seriously ill and feel like nobody can have the feelings that you do. Anyone who is going through a traumatic experience will feel very much alone.
There is of course the standard loneliness of people who have no real friends or family to turn to at all. Some people are very private and therefore tend to keep people at arm’s length by choice. Unfortunately I have seen the damage this can do eventually as in the end people stop trying to be friends and the lonely person will end up with no one at all. Some lonely people have difficulty engaging with others and being sociable. This is very sad as not everyone has a sparkling personality or knows how to make others laugh and listen. There are some tips that can help with engaging in conversation with people although not everyone will use them.
I once read for a woman who had no friends at all, no work colleagues, no social life and no family around them. She wanted to know when she would meet her “true love”. Considering she never went out anywhere and didn’t work with any men, or have any friends to go out with, or had any intention of finding anything to remedy it I had to put her straight! I told her she would only meet her “true love” if she put some effort into it herself. She only ever went out to work and the supermarket and although it was a possibility she might meet someone in the checkout queue I thought it highly unlikely given her sense of keeping the whole world away right from her unless it was Mr Right! She got a bit cross with me for pointing out the obvious but her man was not going to drop down the chimney without any input from her was he? You need to work at some things in life which are difficult but nevertheless necessary if you want to achieve something in your life.
Some churches are good places to go if feeling on your own. I am not a religious person as I like to think of myself being a spiritual person rather than worship one god. I am not averse to going to church related events as long as I am not preached at and there are some fantastic clubs and events that are held under the umbrella of a church and they open their arms willingly to anyone that goes along. Joining drama clubs and choirs are another way of getting involved or even working as a volunteer at something to keep you occupied without feeling awkward. Life is different for everyone and some may not need the contact of their fellow men whilst others cannot bear their own company for longer than 3 mins at a time. We are all different. No one should feel alone in this day and age but for some it is not an option.
If you find engaging in conversation hard, ask the person you are talking to a few questions about themselves and be complimentary no matter how hard it is. When someone is talking to you, keep bringing back your attention to your toes and how they are to keep your mind in the moment. Sounds odd but we can let our minds wander sometimes and it does show on the face and this trick keeps you in the moment.
Don’t turn down offers to go out and have some fun even if you feel it is not your scene. Things can evolve from this and you may enjoy it.
Look at your local church activities online and you may be pleasantly surprised at what there is on offer that is not actually “religious” if that is not what you want. People that attend these events tend to be very caring and considerate to others and aware of some insecurity in others. It seems that the church draws that caring to it.
Don’t feel you are the only one in the world that feels like this. There is more loneliness than ever before in this day and age as everyone is more mobile, moving away even overseas more and leaving people behind.
Keep smiling, nothing like a smile to make friends!